Treading Water: A modus operandi

Treading water has become my 2004 modus operandi. To a friend, I described it as wasting time. She generously reframed this wasting of time and referred to it as treading water. Treading water implies a conscious, deliberate activity. One is seldom unconscious when attempting to prevent oneself from drowning. Wasting time implies inactivity. Doing nothing. A peculiar expression. How does one do nothing? That aside, it would seem I can actually choose. Think of myself as one or the other. Active or inactive. Conscious or unconscious. Which is strange. Either way, the actual behaviour amounts to the same thing. Doesn't it?

But even now, I am aware of a definite pull towards perceiving myself as a conscious and deliberate treader of water. It’s a seductive perspective. Especially if it allows me to feel more comfortable with temporary withdrawal from the wider world. And after all, I do know what I’m doing. Don't I?